


No such Luck for Luan Loud

by Ralte



Category: The Loud House (Cartoon), Tiny Toon Adventures
Genre: April Fools' Day, Canon Compliant, Canon-Typical Violence, Cartoon Physics, Crossover, F/F, Fluff, Happy Ending, Humor, Romance, Slapstick
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-30
Updated: 2020-05-16
Packaged: 2021-03-02 03:20:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,141
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23918179
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ralte/pseuds/Ralte
Summary: No such Luck is not for Lincoln Loud alone.This time Luan has no such Luck.How will she deal with a situation in which nothing but bad things happen to her?
Relationships: Luan Loud/Maggie
Kudos: 4





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> **Bad luck or even no luck at all can hit everybody at any time.  
>  Nobody is safe, no human, no animal no Loud.  
> The worst one hit is Lincoln… But what if it hit Luan instead?  
> See what bad luck brings you combined with an actual vile act from the unlucky one.**
> 
> **I want to thank ultrablud2 for proofreading this chapter.**
> 
> **I wish you all a good time reading.**

**Chapter 1: A normal April 1st except for one thing**

* * *

Royal Woods was in fear.  
It was April 1st, and Luan Loud was at it again.

Despite her promise to not do any more harmful pranks after the incident with the mock relocation of the family, she not only fell back into her old habits, but it was worse than before.

At the moment, she was firing water balloons at a fleeing crowd of civilians with a rapid-fire catapult, including some policemen and policewomen.

“I will wet you all and then I throw water balloons at you!” Luan promised, followed by a sinister laughter. “Get it?”

They fled into the police station which they had barricaded in seconds afterwards.

“Who is this maniac?” asked a male police officer.

“This is Luan Loud,” explained Officer Schoffner. “An infamous prankster. We heard of the stories of how she pranked her family, but they sounded too unbelievable to be taken seriously. Now she wants to prank all of Royal Woods.”

“Get the teargas,” ordered the police chief. “Nobody attacks the citizens and the police so brazenly and gets away with it.”  
The chief led his police personnel into the armory room. 

“Hey, something isn’t right with the teargas,” one officer said. “There are little cables connected to a timer and… LOOK OUT!” 

The police tried to flee, but the door to the armory room was now bolted. They couldn’t escape as the teargas grenades exploded, throwing the police officers into a teary hell.

“Get it?” asked Luan, followed by a laugh. “These police officers have gas problems now. Get that too? Ha, ha!”

Luan then jumped, ran and skipped through the police station, laughing like a crazed lunatic and singing about how many more pranks she had planned today.

_I am Luan Loud  
And I have no doubt  
This 1st of April  
Nobody may resist my will!_

Luan flew through the main gate of the police station and looked over the town before her. Royal Woods was in a total emergency because of her, everybody boarded-up in their houses.

“You will not escape from me, you-!”

“I knew I should’ve taken the right turn at Townsville.”

The way it was said, the way it sounded; Luan was able to recognize it:  
“Bugs Bunny, it is a honor-!”

Turning around, she saw a bunny but this one was blue, not grey, had the height of a child and wore a red sweater.  
Luan’s cheerful expression vanished.

“Oh no, not one of them not one of those guys…”

She walked over to the bunny and tapped him on the ears. “Hey, Buster!”

Buster turned around, taking out a carrot and chewing on it. “How do you know my name, or was it just the manner of expression?”

“I sadly know your name,” clarified Luan with disappointed expression. “What are you doing here, you Rip-Off?”

Buster raised an eyebrow, but continued chewing his carrot. “I was on my way to Bagger Farmhouse to discuss a crossover between Courage and Furball. Do you know where I am?”

Luan shook her head. “This is Royal Woods, you bonehead.”

Buster could only do one thing in that regard: Facepalm. “Oh, by the Spirit of Chuck Jones, was my wrong turn so bad that I landed in the Nickelodeon-Cluster? This is the third time it’s happened to me!” Buster complained before pulling out a tape recorder. “Note to self: get a GPS ASAP.”

Luan was already annoyed by him. “Get lost, you cheap knock-off.”

Buster, not letting himself be provoked by her, leaned against the side of his hole he dug in the street. “Why are you calling me that?”

“You and your friends are nothing else than a bad baby-spinoff of the Looney Tunes!” accused Luan with one index finger waggling and the other pointing at the hare. “You are a discount version of the great Bugs Bunny.”

“Aha.”  
Buster looked back onto his map. “There has to be a place where the fabric of space and time is weak enough for me to pass back into the CN-Constellation.”

“Don’t ignore me, you uninspired OC!” screamed Luan directly into the Hare’s ear, making him jump out of his hole. “I am a comedian!”

Buster massaged his ears, looking annoyed at Luan. “Really? Cause’ I am not laughing. Did your mom never tell you that it is rude to scream into people’s ears?”

“My mom is plastered onto a wall, she can’t tell me anything right now ‘cause her mouth is plastered as well.”

“”Daughter of the Year” material here,” whispered Buster towards the readership. “I am a lucky rabbit that she is not daughter.”

“Oh, just buzz-off, you discount dunce,” demanded Luan. “I have pranks to execute and I don’t need your presence to bring me out of my concept.”

Buster sighed. “Look, I just have to figure out how to get out of this universe, I will not bother you, okay? While my first time here was okay, the second one… well, I’m surprised I’m not talking to a fry-cook Sponge right now, though I kinda wish I was.”

Luan’s face changed from annoyed to angry. She had enough of that Hare. The young comedienne grabbed a hammer of wood and hit Buster on the head with it. Dazed, he was not able to stop Luan from cramming two rods of lit dynamite with into his ears and punching him into the face with a spring-loaded boxing glove, catapulting him into the air where the dynamite exploded, catapulting him even higher.

Luan enjoyed the peril she had put buster through, laughing madly. “This is Hare-Raising. Ha, ha! Get it?”

“You know what this means, right?” asked Buster the audience, still high in the air. "It's time to party, Buster-style!"

* * *

The crazy comedienne was in the locker rooms of the Hazeltucky Hockers where she made a billion puns about the name of the team while they were roasted by flamethrowers that were hidden behind their lockers.

Luan observed the chaos through a hole in the ceiling. “Freshly roasted steroid abusing elementary school football players,” she noted. “My favorite.”

She had a good laugh while Hank & Hawk rolled on the ground, trying to put out the flames as the others ran under the showers, only to realize they sprinkled oil instead of water.

“And I always thought footballers could take some heat,” Luan mocked the burning people. “But that happens when you can’t keep your cool under fire! He, he! Get it?”

“I get it but I don’t think that it is funny,” said a voice behind Luan. She turned around while the Football players were finally able to put out the flames around them via jumping into the nearby swimming pool that was filled with liquid manure instead of water. “Poop jokes? Are you serious?”

“Not you again,” grumbled Luan in annoyance, looking at Buster into his eyes. “Get lost bunny, or do you want to feel more of my wrath?”

“I am not here to fight, but rather to give you something,” Buster announced.

“And what is it?” asked Luan. “Something unfunny? Sorry, I don’t want to adopt you. Ha ha!”

Buster gave her a big kiss on her lips in response. “Don’t worry, I still love you. Hope you like your present!”  
And he ran away.

Luan was flabbergasted. Then she stood up, took out her wooden hammer and started to hunt the rabbit. “Come back here, you blue bastard!”

She hunted the kisser out of the school and into some nearby woods. “Stay still, you stupid rascal, so I can give you some wood.”

“Good night, everybody!”

“And stop stealing lines from actually talented animated comedians!” 

“Nah, I think I will run along here,” Buster said, taking a hard curve behind a tree and Luan followed him. Then Buster suddenly turned around, his palm stretched out and he shouted: “HALT!”

Luan stopped. “Don’t try to tell me any guff, I know that trick.” She reached back with her hammer and Buster just pointed to the ground. “Why are you pointing…?”

She looked down.  
She was standing over a chasm, the ground 500 feet under her.  
She regretted looking down.  
She looked up to Buster who winked at her.  
She in turn held up a sign on which was written: “Gravity is a confusing, yet harsh mistress.”

She fell down the way a certain type of coyote that lived in the desert would fall down into an abyss so often. Creating a hole in the ground, shaped like the form of Luan.

* * *

A few minutes later, Luan now with two hammers crossed behind her back, was on the search for Buster in the warehouse district. “Come out, you bust. I will not hurt you… much.”

She was prepared for everything. In the comedienne’s mind, even a bad copy of a famous Looney Tune could be a threat. Not a big threat, maybe incredibly annoying and not funny, but a threat in any case.

“Are you searching for somebody?” asked a Buster, standing behind her.

Luan turned around and grabbed the Bunny, the 10.000 Volt joy buzzer ready, but the bun was too quick and ducked under it. She then grabbed her hammers and swung them at Buster who dodged those too.

“Swing and miss, but I doubt anyone misses your pranks,” Buster quipped and hopped away.

She ran after him and shouted: “Come back here and fight like a hare, you feiger Hase!”

“That was a German proverb that meant “cowardly rabbit”,” explained Buster to the readers. “It is never too late to learn something new.”

“You will learn a new definition of pain, Bunny!” promised Luan, jumping forth and almost hitting the blue being.

Buster sped up and rushed straight into one of the warehouses. “Wares go there. 50% chance of a shootout between criminals and the police.”

The brunette followed him into it and, to her surprise found, nothing there outside of the usual crates. She scanned the entire room for anything unusual. Looking up, she spotted anvils dangling from chains from the ceiling.

“The good old Anvil, eh? Drop dead because you will not drop them on me, you Adam Sandler reject.”

Luan slowly walked into the storehouse; her view always concentrated on the anvils above her head. She was absolutely fixated on them, anticipating their fall. She inched and inched forward; her hands gripped hard around the shafts of her blunt weapons.  
She was so absolutely concentrated on the above. she didn’t notice the below and didn’t see the spring-platform until she stepped on it, catapulting her in the air.

“EEEEEEEEEEEE-!”

Luan’s scream was cut short as her face collided with one of the anvils on the ceiling.

“E, what?” asked Buster, lying on his elbow on the anvil Luan collided with. “E-gad? E-vil? E-conomy? E-lectronics? E-levator?”

“E…. nd. Will… End you…”

Buster smiled towards the reader. “Don’t worry, this is not the end, there is more.”


	2. Paintings, C4 and Trains

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The jokes come in non-stop when Luan tries more drastic methods to overcome Buster Bunny.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Surprised how the Fanfic turned out?  
>  Regardless If you like or dislike it, more power to you.**
> 
> **And now enjoy Chapter 2 of “No such Luck for Luan Loud”.**

“I haven’t had time to test those,” Lisa informed Luan while she helped her put on a pair of roller skates. “It could end with several fractured osseous.”

“I have a bunny to beat up, no time for more safety precautions,” explained Luan determined while equipping the skates, pads for elbows and knees and a helmet. “Just do your job, and I promise you to spare you this year.”

“And me,” reminded Lana, who was making final adjustments on the skates. “I have built these rocket skates according to Lisa’s plans.”

8 little rockets turned these specially designed skates into rocket powered skates, 2 on each side of the shoes with wheels. Said wheels were made out of special hardened plastic and the shoes of the skates itself were constructed from titanium.

“Yes, yes,” said Luan waving to Lana. “I am only interested in that smooth talking Lupine now.”

“It is staggeringly unbelievable for me to accept that a Tiny Toon just appeared here,” Lisa commented. “The implications are incredibly grave if you think about them for just a minute. For example, these beings can survive-”

“I know that they can,” Luan interrupted her sister crudely. “I studied the works of Ferleng, Jones, Clampett and Avery. I can deal with a cheap spawn of those masterworks any day.”

Lisa rubbed her chin. “I can only help you so far. Remember this. You alone can be crafty in another encounter with him.”

“I am crafty,” assured Luan aggressively. “Nobody is a greater prankster than me, and I will show Buster that he started a war with the wrong jokester!”

Lana opened the garage door and started a countdown: “Initiating starting sequence.” The rockets on Luan’s skates started to hum and a light appeared in the engines. “T-Minus 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1… 0!”

The eight little rockets shot flames out of their engines and propelled the mighty comedienne forward to her mission of beating Buster Bunny.

“Good Luck out there!” shouted Lana afterwards.  
After she was sure Luan was out of earshot, she asked Lisa: “How long do you think she can stand against Buster?”

“Against a pupil of Bugs Bunny? Probably a few rounds, she can take some punishment, but her enemy, as young as he is, is also experienced, clever and was taught by the best.”

“Maybe losing to him will bring her back to normality around the 1st of April,” hoped Lana.

“We can only hope and pray,” added Lisa. “If you believe in any deity, that is.”

* * *

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Luan felt the wind against her, the speed was incredible, she feared it, she loved it. Now she understands why Lynn was into doing extreme biking races. The thrill was exhilarating, she felt like she could do this the entire day, even at the risk of some serious injuries.

_I bet these skates are better than any product from ACME. I will grab Buster and bash him against the next large wall. That will teach him._

The Bun in question was leaning on his back against the wall and using his smartphone, reading something.

“10 best ways to eat carrots. While standing in an active volcano is number 9? I like fried carrots, but I don’t like fried hare.”

His ears perked up as he heard the familiar sound of small rocket engines. “Is Calamity here or… Oh, great.”

Luan Loud came speeding towards Buster on her speedy rolling shoes. “I see you Buster. Now run, run Buster run.”

“Oh, oh. Time to use an ability from the old SNES days.”

Buster leaned back with one foot and one arm in the air before running at high speed away from the brunette girl. He ran down the streets; Luan hard on his heels. She almost caught him, which he was only able to prevent through taking a very hard turn left. Luan was barely able to avoid crushing into a few houses, jumping over a fence and ducking under a clothesline before getting back on the street.

“Sidestepping me will not rescue you for long, Hare! Especially when I Side-Tackle you!” she shouted and added a laugh. “Get it?”

“Your rockets make a racket, but no riot,” countered the blue bunny. “But acing me in racing is like chasing me into an interlacing.”

Luan watched the Bunny run into the direction of a large building. He stopped shortly before running into it, pulled out a black paint bucket and a big brush and painted a big black tunnel into the building. Satisfied, the Bunny put his stuff away and ran into the painting.

“Please, do you think I’ll fall for this old trick you wannabe Roadrunner, you little Beeper?” said Luan full of derision. She veered to the left as she reached the tunnel. “I will cut you off and-”

Luan crashed into the air.  
She produced a creak in the blue heaven and the street before her. Head, body, legs and arms were now partly stuck in the surroundings at an awkward angle.  
She fell out of the air and on her back on the street, her face bruised heavily.

“Stupid, clever Bunny… Painted the street, not just a tunnel…”

Then the set fell forward onto Luan.

* * *

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The young ventriloquist was foaming.  
And shooting.  
She was now hunting Buster with a shotgun now and she wasn’t joking around.  
Well, less than usual.

“Luan Fudd is new at the game, but her aim is pretty good!” cried Buster in panic while dodging the well-aimed shots of his enemy. “Still, she is going as nutters as Mel Gibson.”

“Come back, you good for nothing rambunctious little beast!”

Buster ducked under another shot. “Don’t shoot me, I am allergic to lead!”

“Then it is good that I don’t want to kill you with lead poisoning,” explained Luan with a mad grin. “I just want to shoot you dead!”

Buster jumped down a rabbit hole he had prepared just in case earlier, dug on the left side of a tree. A good rabbit always has more than one hole even though sometimes they are gone now.

Luan stuffed her gun into the hole while shouting: “I will fumigate you out of your hole, you- ouch!”

Luan turned around, something having poked her in the butt. It was her own gun, sticking out of a knothole of the tree standing beside the rabbit hole.

“Oh, I know how that goes, Lupine,” laughed Luan evilly. “But I know what to do to counteract this little trick.”

Luan pulled a bomb out of her pocket. It was a C4, formed to look like a bomb from Looney Tunes, the round object with a fuse, connected to an alarm clock as a timer. “This is enough to blow up the rabbit hole, regardless if it is in there or not!”

She programmed the timer on the C4 and threw it into the hole. She heard how it fell out of the knothole but she was already running. Running as fast as she could, she left the place behind, down several streets and back to her home, closing the door behind her.

“I got him, I GOT HIM!” Luan shouted, step-dancing through the living room of her house and up-and-down the stairs. “He is finished!”

The doorbell was dinging.  
“Who may this be?” asked Luan herself and opened the door. “Oh, it is the postman. What do you have for me?!”

The postman pulled a package out of his bundle. “I have here a package for Miss Luan Loud. Please sign he-”

“OH, NO!” shouted Luan and grabbed the postman. “You don’t get me Buster, I get you!”

She took the postman and threw him in the cellar, closing the door behind him. “You will blow up with that bomb, not me!” 

She pushed her back against the door and held her ears tight in preparation of a big explosion.  
But nothing exploded.  
She stayed there for hours, ignoring the pleas of the “postman” of letting him out. But still no explosion.

“Guess he deactivated the bomb,” reasoned Luan, opening the cellar door and trying to rip of the mask off the “postman’s” face immediately. “You don’t want to blow up? Well, then prepare to get a blow from me! He, he! Get it?!”

“That was a terrible pun, and I AM ME!” the Postman explained very loud and angry. “You idiot, who did you think I WAS?!”

“A- a he- a hi- a hu- a y- a hare…” stuttered Luan.

“As if it wasn’t bad enough that your older sister didn’t reciprocate my love, but now this?!” he screamed angrily, throwing the package before Luan’s feet. “That’s it.”

He pulled a shotgun from his back and shot Luan in the face. “Leave me alone, you crazy girl!”

He left, leaving Luan alone with a face darkened by gunpowder and a lot of confusion written on it. If he was the real postman, what was in that package?

She opened and found only the burned, destroyed remains of a timer and a note which said:

“Sorry, couldn’t stop the bomb in time, but I wanted to at least give you your timer back, even if it is a little broken.

With all love;

Buster Bunny”.

Luan crumbled the note, the box and the remains in it at once with her bare hands, gnashing her teeth.

* * *

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Luan was juggling hand grenades, sticking and pulling the pins in and out of the little explosives at the same time. She chewed on a stalk of grass, like she didn’t care about the incredibly dangerous task she was performing. The people around her were fleeing in panic.

“Hand grenades will come in handy,” punned Luan, but she didn’t laugh this time, just saying in a sinister voice: “Get it?”

Buster observed this from a nearby manhole. “I would say she is nuts, but at the moment, she is more pomegranates.”

“And you are bananas for talking so loud in the presence of the person who wants to blow you up!” shouted Luan and chugged a grenade at Buster. Buster kicked the grenade to the side and started to run. “I would bean you to death if I could!”

Buster drew his lip upwards. He said in response: “I am not in the mood for a gassy joke.”

“I didn’t bean, eh mean, I…” Luan was stuttering angrily. “ARGH! JUST DIE!”

Buster jumped away from the grenades and the following explosions. “You know, I could dodge for hours if I wanted to, but this has to be entertaining and not “I don’t want to dodge 200 grenades just to win a sigil of the Venus”.”

Buster ran down the street and into a nearby office building and into the cellar of the building. “This show is in the cellar! Hope we don’t encounter anything from the Dark Universe here.”

Luan threw several grenades at Buster into the cellar. “Come out,” she shouted between explosions. “Come out and fight like a man, you Angsthase!”

“Great, now she is unpacking German,” Buster snarked. “For a second time. But even if you create a great coalition, you can’t stop me!”

“I am Merkel, you are Martin Schulz!” she responded with a German accent.

“Enough of German politics, get down here and show me what you got!”  
The comedienne who still had to work on her German accent jumped onto the cellar and threw pie in all directions. As they splashed against the walls, razors, glass shards and nails fell out of the creamy delicacies.

“Where are you, you Blueberry Bonzo?!”

She heard the noise of a metal door closing shut. She turned around and smiled. “Now, you are trapped!”

Luan opened the door, grenade in hand… And slammed it shut immediately, jumping to the side with a dive and following it with a roll and ducking with hands over her head.

After a few seconds, she got up again.

“I saw the two lights, I noticed the train,” said Luan. “Sorry, I am trained to know how to avoid that trick.”

She took out a little box filled with peppermint bonbons. She wanted to chew on one to calm her nerves. “Just wait you little-”

A train came out of the box and hit Luan in the face before rolling over her body. It was a freight train with one cab and 50 boxcars.

After the train was gone through the exit of the cellar, Buster came out of his hiding spot, chewing on a carrot and looking down to Luan.

“It appears that you are flattened by my ingenuity, yes?”

Luan, still flat like the ground, said something unintelligible through her flat mouth.

“Be happy only I understood that, or we would be getting a TV-MA rating now.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Luan has really no Luck with that Bunny, doesn’t she?  
>  She still has a last chance.  
> So, come back in Chapter 3 to see if she will have luck after all.**


	3. Objections, a kiss and fighting bad Aesop’s

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It is the end of the Fanfic as we know it!  
> And I feel fine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **This cannot be!  
>  It is the final chapter!  
> But it can be as you see.  
> Let us put this story in a wrapper.**

Buster was running like mad away from bullets, rockets, grenades, mini-missiles, banana peels, fireballs, electric charges, laser blasts, spears and copies of the script of the “Jem & the Holograms” movie.

“I’ll get you soon,” promised Luan. She was wearing a Mech-Suit, heavily reinforced and even more armored, it was colored in white and yellow with a checkerboard pattern. Rocket-boots gave her the ability to fly and use her gigantic arsenal of weapons even more effectively. She was shooting another electric charge from both of her palms and shoulder-mounted missile launchers loaded with hare-seeking missiles at the Hare.

“This is getting more Hare-raising by the minute!” said Buster seriously, ducking under another rocket and jumping over a shotgun bullet. He added afterwards: “I apologize for the terrible pun.”

Buster tried to think fast, he had to get Luan into unknown territory for her.  
_The universe is big, but the multiverse is even bigger… Yes, that’s it!_

The bunny ran towards the courthouse of Royal Woods.

“A restraining order will not stop me!” promised Luan. “My family tried that once and the judge who did it has a fear of Hyenas to this day!”

“Really? I could imagine their laughing is more melodious than yours.”

Buster jumped over an especially powerful double electrical-charge, from both palms, and dug himself into the earth with speed and furor.

“I wanted to send you into the ground, thank you for making my job easier,” said Luan with a smirk, sticking her shoulder machine gun turret into the newly dug hole to fire more volleys at her enemy.

Buster made a hard turn to avoid the bullets before digging down again. He was feeling the presence of a rift.

Up above, Luan figured out that she didn’t get to him, so she jumped after her enemy who had made the tunnel generously wide enough for her to fit into.

She flew through the tunnel with ridiculous speed, pure skill helping her to avoid a fatal collision with the walls. The lights of her armor illuminated the narrow walls of the tunnel, showing her the way.

She came out the other end, the exit Buster dug, and found herself in the middle of a court. A court that was in full swing right now.  
But her appearance gave her the attention of the entire court in seconds, and it erupted into a great uproar.

“I call the court to order!” shouted a female judge, banging her gavel on the wood. “Order, or I’ll have you expelled from this courtroom!”

“What is this?” asked the Mechsuit wearing Luan. “Who is getting judged during- Huh?”

She saw her own family in the stands of the accused. She looked back to the Judge.

“Hey, Judge Judy, what is my family doing here?”

“My name, young woman, is Agatha Snapper and-”

Luan busted out in laughter. “SNAPPER?! What are you? A reject of the Justice League?!”

“I forbid such impertinences in my courtroom!”

“OBJECTION!” shouted a hare dressed like Phoenix Wright. “I demand _compos mentis_ , _in haec verba_ and not to mention a lot of _jus ad bellum_! Especially for me.”

“Overruled, and who are you anyway?” Snapper demanded to know. “Are you new? Do you belong to Mr. Loud’s other attorneys, or are you part of his family’s defense? Baldur, Burns, Bush? Do you know him?”

Lincoln’s attorneys, it turned out, were a fantasy city, a yellow-skinned, over 100 year old billionaire and owner of an atomic power plant and former president of the United States of America. The one those wife was allegedly Lincoln’s midwife.

“We have good relationships with fish, but we don’t have any relationship with that attorney with the strange hair,” explained Bush.

“And where does this doppelganger of you come from?!” Judge demanded the to know from the Luan in the stands of the accused.

“OBJECTION!” shouted Buster Wright. “I can answer this: This Luan comes from an alternate universe in which she is rampaging through her town like Hulk on unfunny steroids.” 

“What kind of balderdash is this?” asked Mr. Burns. “Alternate Universes? I thought they got rid of that nonsense in DC already. Smithers! What is the meaning of this?!”

“I can’t say,” said Waylon Smithers Jr.. “I stopped reading DC comics after “Heroes in Crisis”.”

“Ugh, don’t remember me of that one,” snarled Mr. Burns.

The city of Baldur spoke up: “Why are you two here?”

“I am here to trick Ms. Loud,” explained Buster Wright and pointed at Luan. “She is here because she is the Elmer Fudd of this story.”

“I am not!” Luan protested Loudly.

“Right, you are more like Yosemite Sam,” Buster changed his mind. “You are way more aggressive and more of an asshole.”

“OBJECTION!” shouted Luan now.

“Overruled!” shouted Judge Snapper back. “Now be quiet you two, and get out of my courtroom!”

“OBJECTION!” shouted Buster now.

“Overruled.”

“OBJECTION!”

“Overruled.”

“OBJECTION!”

“Overruled!”

“OBJECTION!”

“Overruled!”

“OBJECTION!”

“OVERRULED!”

“OBJECTION!”

“OVERRULED!”

“OVERRULED!”

“OBJECTION!”

“OVERRULED!”

“OBJECTION!”

“OVERRULED!”

“OBJECTION, OBJECTION, OBJECTION!” yelled the Judge at the top of her lungs. “You both will stay here and be as loud as you want!”

“I yield,” said Buster with an innocent smile.

Judge Snapper smiled arrogantly… Until she realized that she was tricked. She growled: “Oh, you will not get away with that a second time!”

“We will see,” said Buster. “Back to the case: I accuse Luan Loud of the Universe she came from to be an unfunny comedienne, a psychopath, a sociopath and bad at making puns.”

“I AM THE BEST AT PUNS THERE IS!” shouted Luan angrily. “I came, I saw I pun-quered! Haha! Get it?”

“That was pitiful,” said Burns. “Buh!”

“Don’t you mean Buh-rns?” said Buster.

“Don’t remind me,” gnarled Attorney Burns.

Luan was reading the accusations. “Oh, by the ghost of George Carlin, this is blown out of proportions. All of these were meant to be jokes and a lesson for Lincoln… Although I agree we botched the lessons of the messages a little bit.”

“OBJECTION!” shouted Buster. “That was not a little bit of botching, but a massive train crash!”

“It was supposed to teach children not to involve themselves into things they don’t understand and not to lie for their own benefit.”

Buster gave a sarcastic smile. “And that is okay to suffer under the misdeeds of others but they don’t have to learn anything or be punished for that?”

“ORDER IN THE COURT!” shouted Snapper. “This is not the point of this court!”

“Actually, it is,” argued Buster.

“And now you have an idea of good comedy,” Luan accused the Judge and the Attorneys of Lincoln. “You sit here and think we are unfeeling monsters. How about blaming the writers?”

“OVERRULED!” shouted Snapper. “The writers are not to blame here.”

“OBJECTION!” shouted Buster. “Blaming writers or characters can be incredibly subjective. I suggest we bring them in as witnesses and-”

“Stop, trying to distract me!” Luan suddenly shouted. “I am here to pound you into the ground with my weaponry to turn you into rabbit stew! You rapscallious rabb-nous rabbit! Haha! Get it?”

“Why do you always ask if we are supposed to get it?” asked Buster. “It seems you have insecurities about your own puns.”

“I am not insecure!” shouted Luan back. “I am In-seperior!” Ha-”

“OBJECTION! Stop it with the “Haha! Get it?” shtick!” demanded Buster Wright. “If nobody laughs, it means they got it, but they are not impressed.”

“Sustained,” said Snapper.

“I’ll give you sustained,” gnarled Luan and fired at Snapper with her flamethrower, who dodged under it.

“Police officers, arrest Luan, the one in the Iron Man Rip-Off suit!”

Officer Schoffner stepped forward. “Okay, get down on the ground and-”

Luan answered Schoffner with a boxing fist on a spring to her face which sent her crashing through the wall.

“You want puns? I will give you puns-ches!”

Luan’s mental stability, which was loose before, was now going out of control. A stupid rabbit was torturing her and now some Judge dared judge her comedy and her acts?

The crazed comedienne activated her buzzers and threw lighting at everyone in the courtroom. First, she hit the city of Baldur and the entire city was in flames in seconds. The city was roaring in anger in response until a missile barrage hit him and covered the city in explosions. Her second target was the former president, he struggled, vibrated, shivered, convulsed and his skeleton was visible. The third target, the billionaire nuclear power plant owner, just turned to dust. The dust said: “Smithers, get me to the fountain of youth. I need a regeneration.”

“Ask Doctor Who for that one,” snarked Luan and fired another bolt of lightning at Smithers who dodged it at the last second. “I only deliver degeneration!”

“Her comedy in a nutshell,” quipped Buster and dodged a chainsaw coming from the knee of the suit.

“ORDER IN THE COURT!” Snapper shouted again. “ARREST THIS GIRL!”

Luan turned to Snapper. “Time to get you ar-roasted! Get-”

“I GET IT AND IT IS NOT FUNNY!”

Luan activated the engines in her boots and hovered into the air. She stretched out her arms to the sides like she was about to deliver a great revelation.  
“It is funny.”

Her arms shot forward and discharged incredibly powerful lighting from her palms. They quickly found their target and brought convulsive shock over to the Judge.

“Y-y-y-y-y-y-you ar-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-re s-s-s-s-s-s-s-so get-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-ting i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-Imprisoned fore-e-e-e-e-e-e-ever!”

Luan laughed like mad as a reaction to that. “THIS IS UNLIMITED POWAAAAAAH!”

She then used the electrical energy like a rope, smashing the Judge against the ceiling, the floor, the walls and the other people in the courtroom, including the alternate version of herself and her family.  
Nobody was safe from the insane jokes of Luan Loud.

Buster couldn’t do much either, the attacks were also targeted at him and he was forced to dodge. He tried of think of something to do against this power raving Luantic, and the gears started to turn in his head.

Judge Snapper was finally catapulted through a nearby window, crashing through it and into the next car which exploded.

“I judge you to take a car seat,” joked Luan and then turned to the wounded in the courtroom. “I came here to kick the ass of an arrogant little hare, where is he?!”

The “arrogant little hare” was making his move.  
He appeared before Luan and gave her his hand.  
“HA!”  
Luan grabbed his hand but nothing happened. He was wearing rubber gloves.

“You think you are so clever, but rubber will not rescue you.”

“No, but this will.”

The rubber gloves started to tick.

“Those are actually C4-Gloves, coated in rubber.”

Luan tried to throw them away; but they were now stuck to her hands.

“And over the coat of rubber is a coat of industrial glue.”

Luan screamed in rage and tried to remove her own gloves of steel to get rid of the C4 ones.

“I should also mention this C4 only explodes when-”

Luan got the gloves off, they fell to the ground. Buster had been able to hide into cover before they touched the ground.  
Why did he jump into cover? Because they exploded the second they touched the ground.

“-it falls to the ground.”

Luan had been protected by her suit… Except her face (so others could see her) and her hands obviously.

“Look at this woman: A female clad in iron, armed with mighty weapons she exchanged for a brain that is shrinking more and more in response to using more raw might than your cleverness,” philosophized Buster. “Do you really think Karma is on your side?”

“I will murder you.”

* * *

Following Buster back into her Universe, Luan had just enough from his shenanigans. Aside from her armor, she had decked herself in weapons, shotguns, pistols, bombs, rocket launchers, grenades, spring-loaded boxing gloves, C4, chainsaws, bazookas, banana peels and a novel by Kevin J. Anderson.

She would end it now, once and for all.

“Die, Buster, Die,” Luan said coldly. ”And that is not German.”

Buster was using a grappling hook to swing from building to building and to dodge Luan’s merciless barrage of attacks.

“I have the suspicion she is angry and wants to kill me. I could be wrong of course, there is a slight chance I’ll just swing into the attack vector of her attacks through random chance and she isn’t attacking me.”

A rock grazes Buster’s face and the large projectile exploded before several meters under him, the pressure forcing him into the air.

“I think that theory was incorrect.”

Buster lands on another building and jumps down from it and onto the streets. 

“You can run, but you can’t escape,” declared Luan. “Tonight, I will dine on rabbit stew.”

Buster’s headspace opened. It was filled with gears driven by machines which were operated by Mini-Busters. It came to a temporary shut-down as the Mini-Busters unionized and started to go on strike, but after they got better paychecks and improved working conditions, they continued. Then his brain kicked into overdrive and he had an ingenious idea.

“I need a distraction.”

Buster pulled out a newspaper and threw it onto Luan’s cockpit.

Luan read it: “Michael Bay is making a remake of SPACE BALLS?!”

It shocked her so much that she didn’t put that newspaper quickly away. As she finally did, Buster was gone.

“Bunny, your fake news will not rescue you!” She gulped. “At least, I hope that was fake news.”

She used her equipment to scan for Bunny-signs and quickly found them in the school building of Royal Woods Elementary. She landed on the roof and went through the door into the building.

“Tiny Toon… Come out to play!!!!!!!!!!”

Nothing but silence and the words “Buster is not here.” answered her.

It was not Buster who said that, but somebody else Luan knew.

Benny came out of one of the rooms and waved to Luan. “Hi, Luan. How are you?” 

“Benny? What are you doing here?”

“I wanted to ask you out on a date!” he said, pulling pralines and roses from behind his back. “How about-”

“No thanks. I have work to do,” she said casually and walked past Benny.

A few doors further in, she encountered the black-haired pale looking emo girl Maggie. “Hey, Pun-Girl, can you help me over here please?” 

Luan stopped this time looking curiously over to Maggie. “What is the problem?”

“That blue bunny stole all my clothes,” explained Maggie and became red in the face. Now Luan realized that Maggie was leaning out of the door, only her head and a naked shoulder were visible the way she was standing. Luan felt a little bit awkward at this sight inside.

“I’ll get them back to you, I promise Maggie,” said Luan surprisingly serious.

“Please, don’t leave me alone,” begged Maggie. “Do you have anything I can cover myself with?” 

“Ergh… No, I only wear my regular clothes under this armor and I can’t risk to take it off now with Buster around.”

Maggie’s mouth quivered in fear in response. “Then stay with me, please. I don’t want to be alone with that lunatic around, especially while naked.”

Luan gulped. “I… Okay, maybe I can get you to wear something in the meantime… I bet I could improvise something and… Not having to look at the air all the time.”

“The lights in this room don’t work,” explained Maggie. “A reason I am hiding in here.”

“Okay, I am coming.”

Nervously, Luan entered the room. She saw nothing in there, especially not Maggie, which was only right for her because seeing Maggie naked might send her into unconsciousness or turn her into a babbling wreck.

Maggie closed the door. “Do you think you can beat him?” 

“I have to, he thinks he is better than me and better than Bugs Bunny at being a jokester.”

“Why do you think so?” asked Maggie. “Did he say that to you?”

Luan shrugged. “No, but I see it in his eyes and his body language that he thinks he is.”

“Luan…” Maggie mumbled. “Hold me please.”

“But-”

“Please, I am freezing,” Maggie begged. “I don’t want to freeze.”

“This armor is pretty cold and-”

“It doesn’t has to be for long, and that crazy bunny is probably miles away.”

In this darkness, sensing the promise of intimacy, how could Luan resist the temptation?

“I guess I could get out of this armor for a second to give you warmth, but only for a few seconds.”

So, she got out of her armor. She was nervous, but before she could reconsider, Maggie was already embracing her. Luan took the embrace all in, forgetting her worries and her mission.

But something was not right, something was-

“Kiss me Luan, I love you.”

He betrayed himself, he had played his hand too hard, and he got too bold.  
He used a joke that was not in taste and outright criminal even for the standards of toons.  
This was Buster, disguised as Maggie.

Luan shoved Maggie back and shot with her flower acid in the face.  
Actually, she stroked her cheeks.  
Then, she kicked Maggie in the area between the legs.  
No, actually she embraced Maggie, wrapping her arms around the girl with no clothes and with the wish for protection.  
Then she shot her in the head.  
She kissed her head in reality.

“Oh, Luan. Please kiss me on my mouth.”

Luan gave her a kiss with her fist.  
But her true act was a kiss with her mouth.

And this kiss ultimately destroyed the illusion. Luan’s mouth didn’t encounter skin, but only the feeling of well-made mask. The difference was subtle, but as an actress, Luan knew that difference well.

“Oh, you little bastard. Know this will be your end!” she shouted in triumph. “You disguised yourself as somebody I like to make out with me! This kind of deceit counts as sexual assault, you idiot!”

Luan pushed “Maggie” away from here, drew a Molotov-Cocktail she had hidden, ignited it and threw it at “Maggie”. It hit her and the burning hot content of the bottle set “Maggie” ablaze.

“GOT YOU NOW!”

But instead of screams of terror, “Maggie” just laid on the ground, burning like a tree. Luan was confused, but then she took a closer look at “Maggie”.

“Not just a puppet, but a robot,” Luan realized. “A drone. Buster controlled it from afar. I doubt he did it to get any pleasure from it, and I initialized the advance. Not sure what the court would say to that.” Luan sighed and looked around. “Now, where is that bickering… Bun… Ny…”

The comedienne was surrounded by explosives, dynamite, black powder and classic round black bombs with fuses. She had fallen for it, for one of the oldest tricks in the book.

“Dang that rabbit.”

* * *

The explosion was so enormous, it destroyed Royal Woods Elementary completely. All that was left was not even a smoking crater, but a smoking, badly hurt and badly burned Luan.

Buster walked over to her, a VR-Helmet on his head. “I heard of schools falling apart, but literally exploding is something new.” 

“We need… More… Public… Founding….”

“And better pay for the teachers.”

Luan groaned. “I hate you…. Ugh…. You win.”

Luan fell over unconscious. 

Buster took out a carrot and started to chew on it. “Well, that’s all folks. The so-called “comedienne” was busted by Bugs’ best student. I learned from him, that is no lie, but I am my own toon, with my own style. About you I can only say: This Jokester is toast-now.” Buster laughed. “Get it?

Seconds later, he was surrounded by Royal Woods. ALL of Royal Woods.

“Hi folks,” Buster greeted them. “I saw them terrorizing you, so I guess you want to throw a celebration me for vanquishing your tormentor.”

“No, we want to beat you up for tormenting that poor young girl so much,” explained Mrs. Johnson, a teacher of the school Buster just blew up.

“Excuse me, I surely have misheard,” said Buster, still chewing his carrot like nothing else mattered. “You are mad for me destroying the school, correct?”

“No, we are mad for hurting that poor girl,” explained Wilbur Huggins in an absolute serious tone of voice.

“That “poor girl” set people on fire,” Buster reminded them. “With a flamethrower.”

“That doesn’t give you the right to attack her the way you did,” argued Johnson.

“She showed no regret, and I didn’t have the feeling that she was just reacting to an earlier attack on her person.”

“You hurt our daughter,” Mrs. and Mr. Loud said in unison, coming out from the crowd. 

“Sure, I fear her so much that I once helped her with her sadistic pranks,” admitted Lynn. Sr. regretfully. “But I can’t stand by and see how a bully makes her life hell.”

“She is a freaking bully herself,” declared Buster, now getting really agitated. “And I only have annoyed her for an hour at best, and she started it.”

“That doesn’t make you better,” explained Rita. “In fact, it makes you worse.”

Buster tapped his left index finger against the side of his head. “Your Royal Woodians must be crazy. Defending yourself against an attacker is not wrong, especially if that attacker doesn’t listen to diplomacy, you numbnuts.”

“Buster Bunny, I arrest you for assault and battery,” Officer Shoffner told Buster his Miranda rights. “If you-”

“She attacked your colleagues!!!” Buster screamed now in expiration. “What do they say to that?”

“They share our opinion,” said the female officer with all seriousness. “What she did was bad, but what you did was worse.”

Then Buster realized: He was surrounded by idiots.

“Give it up,” demanded Luna now. “Give up and accept your punishment.”

“No, but I will punish you for your sheer dumbness if you try to stop me from returning home,” Buster said calmly. “Because, you see, I have powerful friends and-”

Lori jumped from the crowd and almost got Buster with her golf club. “Get him!”

Buster started to run, jumping over the crowd, took out his smartphone and called somebody. “Hi, I need backup here.”

“What is it, Buster?” asked a plucky voice at the other end. “Did the crossover negations go nowhere? Furball will be disappointed, he really likes Courage.”

“Forget that for the moment, I am hunted by a bunch of people who have a very backwards view on morality and who’s at fault.”

“You got in trouble with bad Aesops told in animated shows even today?”

“No, I…” Buster stopped for a moment. “You are absolutely correct. And now these brain blusters want to punish me for bringing down a violent psychopathic sociopath.”

“Got it. We are on our way,” promised the plucky voice. “I’ll make a conference call to our friends.”

* * *

Minutes later, Buster was standing on a utility pool while the citizens of Royal Woods threw sticks and stones at him.

“Sticks and stones break my bones, so stop throwing them at me, you clods!”

Buster thought he had to flee before his friends could arrive, but then he heard a melody he hadn’t heard for a long time now.  
A melody from the past. 

_“We’re Tiny, we’re Toony.  
We’re all a little looney!  
And in this Cartoony  
We are invading your TV!_

_We're comic dispensers  
We crack up all the censors  
On Tiny Toon Adventures  
Get a dose of comedy_

_So here's Acme Acres  
It's a whole wide world apart  
Our home sweet home, it stands alone  
A cartoon work of art_

_The scripts were rejected  
Expect the unexpected  
On Tiny Toon Adventures  
It's about to start_

_They're furry, they're funny  
They're Babs and Buster Bunny  
Montana Max has money  
Elmyra is a pain_

_Here's Hamton and Plucky  
Dizzy Devil's yucky  
Furrball's unlucky  
And Go-Go is insane_

_At Acme Looniversity  
We earn our toon degree  
But teaching staff's  
Been getting laughs since 1933_

_We're tiny, we're toony  
We're all a little looney  
It's Tiny Toon Adventures  
Come and join the fun._

_And now our song is done!”_

Surrounded by the unconscious bodies of all of Royal Woods, the Tiny Toons stood triumphant over them.

Babs, dressed like Paul Brown, said: “When you win, say nothing. When you lose, say less.” But then she threw away that dress and said the following: “But we came, we saw stupid morality and defended our friend from righteous stupidity!”

“Violence shouldn’t be the first answer, but the last,” explained Plucky. “And I think we had no other choice here than to use violence against people who wanted to stop a heroic trickster from punishing a crazed, unfunny lunatic from hurting innocent people who became less innocent and showed how much they failed at teaching lessons, considering that unfunny clown was running around and setting people ablaze.”

“Guys, I think the author is using you for an author tract,” Hampton noticed calmly. “That guy is a hack.”

“God bless America,” said Fifi La Fume. “We were drawn in Korea.”

“Are we stealing Simpsons jokes now as well?” asked Buster slightly baffled. “Boy, this script has now become an absolute guarantee to get rejected.”

Nobody had noticed the young white-haired boy in the orange shirt arriving at the scene. He looked in bewilderment at the aftermath of the battle that happened during an intro song.

“What happened here? A party that got out of control? Oh, no wait, this was Luan, right?” Lincoln sighed. “I heard it over the radio but I didn’t want to believe it. But it doesn’t look like it, sooooooooo why are you Tiny Toons here?”

“Just dealing with badly thought through morals,” Plucky explained to him. “Do you know them?”

“Just my friends, family, teachers and neighbors,” Lincoln explained casually. “I was hiding from Luan’s April 1st run amok in the sewers. If I had known we’d have a crossover with the Tiny Toons, I wouldn’t have hidden down there.”

“I greet you, representant of the Loud House,” Buster greeted Lincoln and bowed before him.

Lincoln bowed back. “Thank you, master of classic toon comedy. Yet I wish my sisters were here as well, we represent this show together.”

“I think we were forced to take them down, alongside Luan,” explained Hampton.

Sighing, Lincoln looked around and spotted several of his sisters among the fallen. He then noticed with some relief: “No, wait. I think Leni is missing. Where could she be?”

* * *

“Like, you totally really like this food, right?”

Furball nodded to Leni. The seamstress and the street cat were in mall and Leni (after putting money into the registry along with a note) gave Furball some of the best cat food. She had totally forgotten that today was the 1st of April and just went shopping in a completely empty mall. There, she had an encounter with Furball, and noticing how scrawny and gaunt he looked, she wanted to give him some nice food.

“Do you have any friends or family?” asked Leni, petting Furball behind his ears, to which he responded with a happy purr and a nod to answer the question.

“Good, I will help you to find them again later.”

A second later, an orange haired girl stormed into the pet aisles. “Where are the pets? Where are they!?” she shouted in excitement. Then her eyes spotted Furball. “Oh, the blue kitty-cat!”

The kitty in turned meowed in terror, jumped on Leni’s head and got into a frightened stance.

Leni wanted to greet the scourge of animals that was known as Elmyra Duff, but she had already grabbed the cat and squeezed it hard enough, Leni could swear she heard bones breaking.

"I'm gonna hug you and love you and squeeze you into itty bitty pieces!!!"

Leni, who was taught very carefully how to hug a pet, was not happy about how this little brat was treating the poor cat. She used way too much strength, enough pressure to hurt that poor creature.

“Listen, little lady, put down that cat,” ordered Leni softly, but firmly. “This is not the way to hold a cat. And you are stroking it way too strong, stop that!”

But Elmyra ignored her and in fact only squeezed Furball now so hard, he was running out of air. “Oh, I will love you so much, my beloved kitty-cat!”

“Stop,” said Leni even more firmly than ever. “Stop this right now, young lady.”

Elmyra continued to ignore her and squeezed even harder, which Furball answered with a gurgling sound of a person who was not able to breath anymore.

Leni had had enough. She grabbed Elmyra by her collar and slam dunked her into a terrarium full of Inland Taipan snakes, one of the most poisonous snakes in the world. In seconds, Elmyra looked like an Eggplant of steroids that got into a fight with Bruce Lee.

“Like, maybe that was too much,” said Leni unsurely, but she doubted that this would hurt that girl for long. It was her intuition, or hope, not to get put into prison for this.

* * *

“Furball will get a crossover with Courage, the Cowardly Dog?” shouted Lincoln in excitement. “This is a brilliant idea!” 

“Thanks,” said Buster. “But I think a crossover with you guys would’ve also been neat.”

“We technically just had one now, rabbit” commented Montana Max, typing on his Smartphone. “Crap, my shares are falling.”

“How terrible, you will still be a multi-billionaire at the end of your day,” said Babs sarcastically.

“Buster, you have to go,” Plucky reminded him. “Unless you want me to lead the negotiations with the Cartoon Network-Constellation.

“Don’t, or we’ll get a crossover with Teen Titans GO! Instead,” feared Babs. “On the other hand, it may be fun to teach them a lesson in good comedy.”

“We should keep that in the back of our minds,” suggested Buster. “Mister Lincoln Loud, we have to go. Will your friends and family be okay?”

Lincoln looked over to Luan, who has gotten up and was singing “Happy Happy Joy Joy” while sounding like a drunk E.T. “I phone home…. On my smartphone… In the starsign of the Capricorn!”

“I guess. They are toony enough, I would say. Not toony on your level guys, but toony enough to get through this without any permanent damage.”

“And should they, just call this number,” said Hampton, giving Lincoln a card.

“Doctor Harleen Frances Quinzel, Psychologist.” Lincoln gave Hampton a deadpan look.

“She helped me over my insecurities,” explained Hampton. “I felt secure enough to advise the Time Warner executives to hire Zack Snyder for the DC comics movies. Now I am banned from ever advising Time Warner ever again, but I still feel better.”

Buster shrugged. “At least we got good future parody material. Ciao Lincoln.”

All of the Tiny Toons jumped into Buster’s hole to get home with Buster being the last one leaving.

Lincoln waved them until they had all left.

And then, Luan popped out before Lincoln and shouted: “Th-th-th-th-th-th-that’s all folks!”

“Stuttering is a sign of brain damage,” added Lisa during the ending music.

**END**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **This was it.**
> 
> **With a special appearance of “Gal Pals”.**
> 
> **I hope you liked what I wrote and I want to thank everyone who took their time to read this story.**
> 
> **I have plenty of ideas for future projects and you will see some of them soon enough.**

**Author's Note:**

> **Buster has luck busting Luan.  
>  But will he continue succeeding or will Luan turn the tables?**
> 
> **Come back to see what happens in Chapter 2 of “No such Luck for Luan Loud”.**


End file.
